I sometimes have these bouts of visceral urge to just run away, escape, do something about a perceived pain that exists in my body, my nervous system, but not my mind. I think part of the issue is that I don’t understand what the problem is, and so I can’t do anything about it. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

There are anxieties that exist within me – some in discrete chunks and sections and some in a perpetually twisting overlapping array – that freeze me in a state of inaction. My body is yelling at me that something is wrong. My heart is racing, my head is pounding, and I feel restless to no end.

Those things are real (duh) they’re happening to me. But then what’s the issue? I’m not sure I know.

It exists in my physical being but not in my psyche. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t understand why I feel like this, and, frankly, that scares me.

I tell myself this: once I figure out what the problem is, I’ll fix it. Once I am able to pinpoint the issue, I can act upon it. Change what needs to be changed. Remove what isn’t working. Bring in new things to make up for what I’m lacking.

But ultimately, all that hinges on the intellectualization of my problems. Maybe that’s my problem. I need to intellectualize my issues before I can face them. Maybe I have to accept that the body can know things that the mind doesn’t.