Foe is a funny concept. 

By definition, it implies the existence of a secondary party to which there is hostility, yet often I find that my biggest foes are none other than myself.

I don’t claim to know everything. That should be a given. But regularly, I do not do what I know is ultimately best for me. Things I planned to do, things I need to get done, get pushed to the side in favor of a brief, fleeting distraction. Commitments I have to myself that I bail on for a variety of excuses I no longer remember. In this regard, I think I lack the necessary willpower or drive.

‘Foe’ is about externalizing the feelings of an internal battle. A lot of people, I’m sure, can relate to the overwhelming amount of thoughts that freeze you in place, the struggle and battle against an entity that both is and isn’t a representation of yourself, or the fear of failure that stops you from the change you want to make in the first place. ‘Foe’ is a culmination of the earlier three pieces in the series. It interweaves these three themes back into the place where they originate: the self.

When I was a teenager, I had a conversation with one of my professors about something that was troubling me at the time. I don’t even remember what it was, but I remembered him saying this: “Imagine the scenario that you are in. Let’s say that everything external remains constant and nothing else changes: what can you do to make your situation better for yourself?”

It stuck with me ultimately because I’m the one who makes the changes in my reality. I am ultimately not in control of what other people choose to do or of the scenarios around me. Only how I react and the actions I take from it.  However, what stuck me more was what he prefaced it with: “I know this isn’t a helpful thought, Non, but follow along with me anyway…”

It’s the acknowledgement that this, at the end of the day, is an abstract exercise. yes, you are only in control of yourself, but your situations also influence you, and vice versa. The realist in him still didn’t overlook the power of the suspension of belief. At the end of the day, you’re allowed to feel things and react to them, embrace the highs of your wins, and wallow in your shortcomings. 

As much as you are your own foe, you are also your own savior.